NEW YORK - a public school teacher was arrested today at JFK International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a problem for us," the Attorney General said. "They desire
solutions be means and extremes and sometimes go off on tangents in search
of absolute values. They use secret codes names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to
themselves as 'unknowns' but we have determined they belong to a common
denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As
the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every
triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest President Bush said, "if God had wanted
us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more
fingers and toes."
White House Aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or
profound statement by the president.
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After the disastrous move by the County Executive and the Republican Majority to close half of the police precincts in Nassau County, the Democratic caucus was successful in pushing Ed Mangano's back against the wall so that he gave us a signed guarantee that there would not be one less patrol car in any neighborhood. The agreement additionally stated that there would be more law enforcement personnel in all of the policing centers.
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